A non-theist's spirituality

The facts are: I attend Quaker's regularly; I was brought up in the Anglican church; I practice meditation as taught by Buddhists; I value empiricism, rationalism and scientific method; I respect for the work of Daniel Dennett (e.g. as in his book Darwin's Dangerous Idea) and Richard Dawkins (e.g. The Blind Watchmaker). Can this come together without making me a hypocrite or a liar, or in a way that is of any depth and value?

When I was a teenager, I would have called myself a Christian without hesitation, though I was enthusiastic about science from an early age. I would never have been too happy with the literal truth of the Bible, but I was behind the Christian message of "love your neighbour", and took comfort that however bad it gets "God so loved the world that he gave his only son". Then I studied some Western philosophy, starting with Descartes' principle of doubt, and I couldn't sustain any faith in a supernatural divinity. From then on, for many years, I'd definitely have called myself an atheist.

That said, I still had some respect for Christianity, and felt that my culture was in Anglicanism. I enjoyed spending time in cathedrals and listening to choral music, and I happily go to church occasionally for family events - the most moving of these being funerals, I guess. I also thought it significant that freedom of religion was one of the first liberal rights won (say, in 1701 with the Act of Settlement versus Thomas Paine's Rights of Man in 1791).

Also, I was struck deeply by the great pathos in Doris Lessing's Shikasta, where one of the characters has a part in a divine plan but gets distracted by the political and legal ways of the world. He's still doing what he thinks is the right thing, helping those who need it, but he misses his greater purpose. It seemed tragic to have a calling, in the religious sense, but then never know that it was really there through blindness to faith.

Anyway, I got into meditation later via yoga with a teacher who also followed Zen. I felt the breath exercises could help me to concentrate, make better use of my mind, and help overcome the frustration and anger I sometimes felt. So I then started going to classes with teachers from the Theravada tradition, who were fine with my practical secular attitude. I wouldn't say the practice filled me with the joy and insight I'd been hoping for, but it seemed to help me keep a bigger perspective in view. My partner also noticed it had a positive effect on my moods too, which helped me see its importance.

I've continued meditating for many years, and I'm now following Headspace courses to help keep a regular practice going. But a few years ago I also started going to Quaker meetings for worship, partly for family reasons and partly because I felt they dovetailed well with my attitudes about the value of silence. I feel I've grown into the Quaker way more for myself now, recently becoming a more regular attender at a small meeting, and that's what I'd planned to talk about here.

However, right now, I find I can't say much. The value that I place in sitting in silence with others and (sometimes) moving through a calm state of mind toward something that others have called God or the spirit or the inner light perhaps really is ineffable - ideas that cannot be put into words. I guess this is something I'll come back to here, though.