Visualising Ghost Trees

I've recently been trying meditative techniques to visualise a peaceful grove of trees. I think that the idea is that this can be a harmonious place which is be both calming and energising. It also seems that this helps to build a connection between direct experiences in the living outer world and inner development - whether that's phrased in a spiritual way, making a deeper connection to the soul, or in a less supernatural way, developing understanding of the universal human experiences that Carl Jung would have identified as archetypes.

I was finding it difficult to settle on one visualisation consistently though, so I used a technique from Kathleen Adams' Journal to the Self (an inspirational book that still provides loads of practical support, even if it's too old to cover the opportunities available from online tools). She describes a way of throwing down ideas onto a list, aiming for 100 items within 20 or 30 minutes, without worrying too much about repetitions or off-topic ideas. I used this to explore all the ideas about my meditative grove, and it was very productive. I spotted a number of recurring themes that I might not have expected, including lots about about death and memorials - including yews in a graveyard and a spinney of trees growing over an ancient long barrow tomb, as well as ideas about circles of dead or fossilised trees.

I also realised that many of the powerful visual images I use come from fiction - from C S Lewis' Narnia to George R R Martin's Song of Ice and Fire (with the weirwood trees of the old gods specifically). In these stories, lost paths in the woods can be a gateway to another world - as also in the Silfen paths of Peter F Hamilton's Commonwealth Saga, and Ursula Le Guin's Threshold (also known as The Beginning Place). There are much older versions of this idea, or course, in the folktales about crossing over into Faerie or the Celtic Otherworld, or possibly the Norse Yggdrasil. I feel there's no problem with recycling these fantasy themes in a personal visualisation - how else are we to put structure on those archetypes except through stories? John Matthews, one of the creators of the Wildwood Tarot, talks about recurring themes from folklore, Arthurian myths and Robin Hood too in his book The Quest for the Green Man.

But one image surprised me when I wrote it late on in my list - I simply put down "ghost trees". I'm not sure if I meant something specific by this - I wouldn't give much credence to trees having an immortal conscious spirit that lives on after their death to haunt the living. However, ghosts can be seen as projections from our real living minds, giving form to an external non-physical agency that holds a memory associated to a specific locale. In that sense, we can imagine the presence of trees that once grew at whatever location we are now in. Where I live, on the edge of a city with a mild wet climate, it's not that hard to imagine trees growing not that long ago precisely where our flats were built.

Imagining each second or heartbeat as a year, and visualising time flowing backwards, it would take less than a minute to get back to a time when the building wasn't standing. In an hour we'd be back to the Bronze Age, when the deforestation and transition to settled farming in Britain was still going on. In the intervening centuries, a dozen huge trees might have come and gone on this spot. There's nothing to stop the imagination going much further back, to a time before humans left Africa or into deep geological time, when the only trees might have been ferns or ginkgos, all growing on this patch of the Earth's crust. Alternatively, the ghost trees could represent the potential for what might grow here in the future, whether that's familiar species when this site could become a garden or parkland, or something from a remote future, long after the anthropocene. By then perhaps hardy weeds like the daisy or pioneer species like the buddleja will have evolved into giants to fill the niches left by the extinction of the elm, ash and horse chestnut.

These ghost trees needn't be sinister malign presences that cause fear of poltergeist activity. We may have guilty consciences from exploiting them by felling, burning, pulping and so on. But, to quote Robert Frost, "life goes on". Where I sit now, on the second floor, I might be in the spreading crown of a great oak in the prime of its life - it's own little world to a colourful variety of beetles, spiders and more in its branches - that was once here or could yet be again. Each living thing has its time - mine is now, and the ghost tree has had or will have its time too. There is some comfort in that, and an opportunity to reach an equanimity of mind that might be just what my meditation teachers were hoping to pass on.

Tarot orientation spread

I've become interested in the Tarot again, having found that the symbols of the Wildwood Tarot (created by Mark Ryan, John Matthews and Will Worthington) really support my reenergised engagement with modern Druidry (via OBOD and TDN). Though I was reasonably familiar with the traditional Rider-Waite cards many years ago, I'm relearning everything now. Part of that is a new appreciation for how the images key into Jung's ideas about archetypes' influence on the self (or psyche).

As part of that, I've started using a simple spread that I thought I'd share. It's not that original, based on a my familiarity with the traditional Celtic Cross and the Wildwood's own World Tree spread. As it only uses 5 cards, it's quite suitable for those who just want to use the Major Arcana (as for beginners or dabblers like me). It's based on the circle of the compass with east upwards - as for medieval maps' orientation. The spread starts with a central card, then works from the left anticlockwise around to the top card. Once revealed, lines from left to right and from bottom to top can link the cards - for a querent's hopes versus fears (their motivational forces) and their direction of travel (or their activities), both via their current state of mind or the seed idea held in their conscious ego. Notes on the significance of each position are as follows:

1. Centre - self, now; the querent, their guiding thought; the axis for ideas and actions; the problem at hand, current circumstances; motivation, secret desires, the id, emotional state.
2. Cold - north, night, darkness; fears, hated things, repulsion, dissatisfaction, hunger; conflict, foes, rivals, "frenemies"; source of unhappiness or discomfort; chores; waste, dormancy or sloth.
3. Setting - west, evening, dusk; things passing, staleness; past events, old friends, departed ancestors; roots, fond memories, knowledge, experience; stored energy.
4. Warmth - south, day, light; joy, playfulness, attraction; source of happiness, contentment or compassion; satiation, sanctuary, ease, relief; true friendship, peacemaker; active flow, productivity.
5. Rising - east, dawn, waking; opportunities, new paths, fresh hopes; anticipation, enthusiasm; strangers, future friends, travel and exploration; youth, naivety, lessons to learn; force for change.

I took a photo of the first proper reading that I did (for myself) with this spread, as annotated below. I was looking for insight about pursuing this new enthusiasm for a nature-based spirituality. The Seer at the centre was obviously appropriate. The Wheel in the cold North made me think of the ongoing stressful changes in my day job. The Pole Star in the setting sky of the West could be my past connections to inspirational but remote powers. I was pleased to see the Green Woman in the warm South, as a representation of my own Jungian anima as well as the inspirational Ceridwen. Thinking of her at work now, balancing the uncertain change of the Wheel, leads naturally to the concluding Forest Lovers rising in the East, which I felt pointed to a positive internal union or integration within myself. So overall this reading meant a lot to me, motivating me to share my approach here!

NaNoWriMo reflections

November is the the National Novel Writing Month, as promoted by NaNoWriMo. I had an honest go at this, putting in about 28 days work. The support of a local group really helped with my motivation (even though I was only in contact with them via the forum). It also gave me confidence (proof, even) that it is possible for me to write something like a novel. So I'd glad to be part of it. There were a few notes that I made looking back at the experience though, which I thought I'd share:

• I felt I was a "pantser" (writing from the seat of my pants, in contrast to working from a plan). However, I had based what I'd written on journal notes that had characters, places and creatures for the setting - about 1,500 words were enough of a seed.
• I might have done better if this was a more structured "pitch" for a novel (instead of just a summary) - why a reader (or me as the author) might get emotional buy-in to it.
• Better planning  structure would have helped - e.g. laying down a 3 act structure with a central turning point (that raises tension), topped and tailed with introductory orientation and an epilogue.
• Specifically, starting with a definitive cast of characters would have avoided a problem I had as a pantser with the introduction new characters late on.
• The pitch and the plan could have been addressed to a clearer view of the audience than I had - seeing the fiction as creating the stage as well as the characters on it. Making assumptions or having to go back and clarify these later in the writing broke the flow of events and actions.
• That said, I felt I sometimes had an issue with slogging through too much "and then... and then..." to just communicate a basic sequence of actions. I could loosen up to make leaps and just give impressions at times.
• I also got tangled up with the way I wrote dialogue and rigorously avoided using numeric quantities - e.g. for time and distance. Maybe next time I'll just use units and try to let conversations flow more - it would be easy enough to edit these later.
• Likewise, there's no need to shy away from taboo content or themes. Writing is an exercise for me first; censorship can come when (if ever) it goes to a publisher.
• I felt I was leaning too heavily on real-world points of reference too - like medieval castles, druidry, the system of 4 elements, and a conflict between a monotheistic god of law versus polytheism or animism. As Adam Roberts said: "Whenever faced with something old and stale and conventionalised, think of a way to unsettle and rewire that staleness."

Restarting any old blah

Back in March, I started reading Julia Cameron's Artist's Way, and I followed its course through to the end. It helped me to feel a bit more empowered at the time, and looking back, I wanted some of that to spill over into this blog, so that I could share my experience and work. As part of that, I've published some posts that I'd previously left as draft - even if they're not perfect.

I'd also got a copy of Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down The Bones at the end of last year, which also inspired me to free up my writing. I'm not sure that either use the phrase, but they both encourage that principle "just turn up at the page".

However, I'm now coming to terms with a pragmatic realisation that I might never achieve my goal of writing science fiction novels. Adams Roberts' Getting Started in Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy did give me specific and practical guidance for this too. It has been a productive year since I informally set up a SMART target for 2017 of writing 100k words, without worrying about whether they were "right". But I'm admitting to myself what I've done always tends toward exposition of setting, not fun and exciting narratives that I'd want to read.

So that leaves me somewhere that I can just write any old stuff occasionally, enjoying the satisfaction of getting a few ideas down - as I have done since I was a teenager, writing a spontaneous journal without any guidance. It doesn't really matter whether anyone wants to read those ideas as long as I've got something from it myself. Also, I can't realistically see any negative consequences for sharing this kind of "blah".

By the way, as part of this restart, the page has had a bit of rebranding. I'd come to regret picking the previous Heretic Space Cadet title in haste. The new 'crow view' name was available and short (though I've also chosen in on the spur of the moment). It seems suitable as the name of my birthplace could have meant crows' clearing. I don't think of myself as a corvid (certainly not with the insight of Ted Hughes' Crow), nor do I think I've got some kind of better perspective from to top of a ship's mast. But I think it will do.

The Sacrifice

I wrote this as an exercise in Adam Robert's Getting Started in Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy. It is pretty derivative of Ursula Le Guin's Leaving Omelas, but that seemed to be the brief. I thought I'd share it anyway.

"What do make of the annual sacrifice?" Brione asked her younger sister, Carys.

"It's horrid, and I couldn't imagine any of us going through with it," the athletic teen answered.

"But think of the tradition's benefits. We live here in Eden wanting for nothing - taking bread-fruit from the trees, enjoying the meat of the beasts who offer themselves calmly to the butchers, cosy and safe in our marvelous ancient homes."

"I wouldn't mind a few leaks or patching the roof myself if meant we didn't haven't to pick some poor youth to give to the Great Demon each year," Carys replied earnestly.

"Ahh, you're still young and haven't started your time as a novice. Once you've spent some time in the Demon's temple, understanding His work, you might think twice. I see Him go forth from His statue at dawn, rushing like a wind to the six corners of the land. Yes, He repairs the roofs and everything else besides, and He sees to every tree in even the smallest village, and whispers in the ear of each beast that is ready for slaughter. But He cares for us in so many other ways. Without him we'd live in fear, prey to wild monstrosities and the armies of our foes. We'd suffer the pain and deprivation of the hundreds of ailments and injuries that His lesser demons see to. Children would be orphaned and left to starve, the elderly would suffer slow deaths. Without His fatherly presence, the city and the land would be miserable."

"But if He is so kind, why is it that wants one of us each year to suffer and die in his name? I bet with the festival so close, there's already some poor wretch pinned out breathing their last right now."

"Can't you see, Carys, that the suffering of that one poor wretch, hardly ever lasting more than a day, saves thousands from the misery and strife that could be just as agonising and last much longer. We can't begin to fathom why the Great Demon might make His benevolence contingent on this sacrifice - He is a divine being, and His mind is different to ours, but He too is subject to the greater laws of all creation, the laws that say the sun must rise, the flowers must wither, the seasons must cycle and the wolf must take the suckling deer."

"I guess," the younger woman conceded, "But I just would never be able to accept that it might be you, I or Arwen that might be called."

Brione looked down at her feet, and the atmosphere seemed to turn icy. She looked up guiltily into her little sister's eyes and clasped her hand. "Ahh, well, I am truly sorry to have to bring this news, but it is Arwen that's been chosen this year. I've just come from the securing ritual."

Carys leapt to her feet, throwing her sister's hand down. "What?" she screamed. "You can't have let them do that! Why didn't you dispute it? Why didn't you and her fight them off when they tried to hold her down? Our own sister! Our big sister who loves us and played with both of us all the years of our childhood!"

"I've tried to explain," Brione tried to speak calmly, folding her hands in the lap of her novice robes, "It's for the best, for all of us. Arwen understood. She cried, she was frightened, but she didn't fight them, and I wouldn't either."

The enraged Carys bellowed, "Well I will!" and with that, ran from the house.

She easily outpaced her sister, who ran after her, not breaking her stride in her sprint from their prestigious family home to the monumental temple to the Great Demon. She pushed through the regular pedestrian door, the huge Demon doors still being shut fast, ahead of the great reaffirmation rituals. There were few people on the wide marble tiled floor inside in congregational space, dimly lit by shafts of light from round apertures high in the gigantic domed ceiling. The general populace always stayed away if they thought the actual sacrifice was in progress. She gave no attention to the novices and initiates who were tidying the space, even when they frantically signalled to her to slow down and show respect.

She kept running to the back of the temple, then, heedless of her iconoclasm, scrambled over the decorative railings into the dark primeval cave whose mouth the temple had been built over. Though she'd only ever been here once, years ago for her coming of age, she charged down the unlit worn steps without hesitation, drawn to a hint of light coming from the deepest chamber.

She burst into the sepulchral cavern, seeing past the clutter of antique bric-a-brac lying around the natural crystal formations to spot her sister, seemingly unconscious, lashed to a sinister black stalactite twice her height, drying blood running down her pinned arms. A single initiate was on his knees before the gory scene, but he jerked to his feet at the sound of Carys arriving.

Clearly taking in the situation with remarkable speed and accuracy, the fearless initiate adopted a fighting stance and came at Carys. They met at a run. Carys dodged his blow then immediately landed a bone-crunching jab to his temple. The man crumpled to the floor before he could utter a sound.

Carys leapt to the sacrificial pole. Her sister's eyelids fluttered open and she whispered, "Carys? You shouldn't be here." At that moment, they both heard distant shouts and the rattling of the ceremonially sealed gates to the cave. More worrying to Carys's ears, though, was the whisper of a rising wind that could only have a supernatural origin.

Thinking quickly, she grabbed a heavy brass candlestick and threaded it through the chains restraining her sister. She twisted forcefully, and the restraints gave, causing Arwen to tumble forward into her arms. She gently laid the older woman down on the gem-encrusted floor before the pillar and attended to her sister's wounds. She realised they were deep, and the amount of blood lost may still be putting her sister's life at risk.

Remembering an emergency incantation that all well educated children learnt, Carys summoned a minor demon with a pop. The frog-like humanoid squinted at her, then at the prostrate form of her sister. "Whilst thou pay the price for this creature's repair?" it asked.

Carys urgently assented. "His Grace, in His Mighty Throne, is not going to like this," the creature muttered, almost to himself as he glanced up that the towering blood-spattered black column. Then Carys felt an agonising pain in her own wrists. She looked down at them and saw long livid bruises form, but then she looked to Arwen's, and saw the ugly injuries there shift, the exposed flesh pulling together into the pink line of a healing wound.

Clenching her jaw against the pain, knowing it was nothing compared to what her sister had endured, Carys choked out the ritual phrase that concluded the ritual and dismissed the demon, then gingerly put her hands behind Arwen's neck and shoulders to lift her up.

Her eyes opened fully now, and Carys thought she could see colour begin to return to her deathly pale cheeks and blue lips. Those lips smiled, and Arwen spoke in a dry whisper, "There will be Hell to pay now!"

Carys could still hear shouts behind her, but she didn't fear for herself now - she feared for the clergy who'd betrayed their promise to their Demon god. The wind was rising to gale force now, moaning through the caverns, rattling the icons and stirring the clinking chains of censers. She heard a crash and imagine the whole temple might be ruined before this angry divine wind blew out. "Oh well," she said to her sister, with a laugh despite the tear in her eye, "We'll just all have to get used to doing a bit more for ourselves."

Playful creativity

There's something about the Artist's Way creativity course that's about being more self-indulgent and playful (or that's how I've interpreted it at least). That's led me to buy some piece of Playmobil - inspired by something I was shown a while ago as an aid to real-world business story telling. So, here's an architect greeting a handyman and his friend, a DJ.

For me, these men could be characters in a book. I could think about their likes and dislikes, their skills and weaknesses, their favorite books and holiday destinations, their secret dreams and fears, their most embarrassing moments and so on. They look happy, but is that just them putting on a brave face for the world? What things would make them sad or angry? Equally, I could paint a pen-portrait of myself by answering those questions. Though I've lived a life's worth of such stuff, there are key headlines I could summarise.

I'm not promising to give the answers to all those (and more textbook character generation prompts) for myself or the Playmobil characters here. But I can see how this could be a creative exercise, and a potentially therapeutic one in a psychoanalytic way. What things might I project onto happy little figures in their toy world that are a bit too scary or ambitious for me in reality?

A sketched Muse

This is a sketch that I've just done of Tilda Swinton, which maybe captures an inspirational androgynous beauty. It's essentially just a copy of a photo that I found on the web, credited to Inez & Vinoodh here, so if it does, it's thanks to their original vision. I've been struck by Tilda Swinton's performances since Orlando, and more recently Snowpiercer demonstrated the presence that she can command, but I especially liked her suitably harsh Gabriel in Constantine. I was very excited to hear she might be the next Doctor Who - let's hope that it is so!

Now, before I was aware that she might be cast as the Doctor, I'd already imagined a character in a science fiction story that looked like her. This character was also a solitary interstellar traveler, who I'd named Mathilde, though she voyaged in a more mundane near-light speed spacecraft. Though she appeared human, she was actually of some alien race that was adapted to life in space, born from a vat (as in Brave New World). I wonder whether Tilda Swinton's has an otherworldly grace that inspired the Doctor Who programmers just as it does me.

Mild Druidry

I was thinking about modern druids, probably inspired by watching Jago Cooper with the Caribbean Taino people, who were recreating their traditional rituals based on patchy evidence and oral history. It seemed a bit sad, in a way - sitting in tatty jungle clearings play-acting at achieving trance states or shuffling about in circle dances. However, there also seemed something profoundly valuable in it - reconnecting personally with a significant cultural essence that has an enduring value, linking individuals to the shared continuum of a deep and unique heritage.

This resonates with my direct experience of current Western interpretations of shamanistic practices too. I attended the Winter Solstice ceremony at Glastonbury, which had a strong cohesive positive energy that I felt comfortable engaging with. In general, I like the way that inspiration is given primacy in modern Druidry. The Awen, as that divine breath of inspiration, seems a powerful idea, which links to the feeling that I often get at Glastonbury. This photo, which I took there on the solstice, reminds me of that (even though it wasn't actually taken at dawn).

Technic structure

I wanted to say something about Lego, which is a toy that I've enjoyed for as long as I can remember. Growing up I was a bit embarrassed to still be playing with it when I was around 15, when I had a medium sized collection of classic Space and Technics themes, and I guess I pretty much stopped then. Around 10 years later I passed my collection onto close friends for their children. But eventually I got back into playing with it again with my own daughter, then last year I bought my first new kit just for me - the Technics 42037 off-roader (I loved it's 4 wheel suspension - something I'd struggled with for ages on the old style Technics).

I enjoyed building the set model and pushing it around, but for me proper Lego building was always about making up your own things. So since then I've been building up my collection again with the 42036 motorbike (which I liked for its chain drive and more suspension), the 42049 mine loader (great value, with nice wheels, turning and controls, which include a worm gear), and the big 42042 crawler crane (wonderful tracks, a motorised gearbox and just loads of pieces). That's given me plenty to play around with, though I've not been too proud of my own creations so far (e.g. cars, tracked vehicles, and helicopter skeletons). I experimented with things like gear boxes and suspension on tracks (with help from Pawel "Sariel" Kmiec's excellent Unofficial Builder's Guide), but I guess I found them small or inelegant compared to the set models.

Coming back to Technics has been an interesting relearning experience though. The studless style of construction simply didn't exist when I was young. It intrigued me that models have no intrinsic way up anymore. So I've also done lots of fiddling about just making structures on the 3 perpendicular axes. Picking up the trick with Pythagorean triples (especially multiples of 3,4,5) seemed useful too.

And that led to the first model that felt original - a kind of diamond teardrop with hexagonal cross section, which has no function and isn't a realistic representation of anything...

The approach to learning was new too, using photos and tips from the Web (and Sariel's book, of course). Before we were all online I remember having to learn everything on my own through the set model instructions and experimentation. At first it seemed like cheating to just lift Sariel's gearbox design, for example; I clearly wasn't a proper builder if I wasn't being original. But this just doesn't hold up. We all learn have to learn from someone else. In the olden days that someone was only the set designers who wrote the instruction books, and their lessons could only go so far. Now we are all connected in online communities, with blogs for anyone to publish on. It's daft not to engage with that shared culture.

Update 2016-08-08: I've just added the immense 42043 Arocs truck to my collection. Even with an online retailer saving, I was sceptical about spending so much on a toy. However, it is staggeringly well designed model, with 2-axle drive, 2-axle steering and suspension all round before you even get to the motor and pneumatic functions. It's a deserving centre-piece to my collection (as the 8860 car chassis was when I was a boy), even if I can't imagine incorporating design features like that steering into my own creations.

A non-theist's spirituality

The facts are: I attend Quaker's regularly; I was brought up in the Anglican church; I practice meditation as taught by Buddhists; I value empiricism, rationalism and scientific method; I respect for the work of Daniel Dennett (e.g. as in his book Darwin's Dangerous Idea) and Richard Dawkins (e.g. The Blind Watchmaker). Can this come together without making me a hypocrite or a liar, or in a way that is of any depth and value?

When I was a teenager, I would have called myself a Christian without hesitation, though I was enthusiastic about science from an early age. I would never have been too happy with the literal truth of the Bible, but I was behind the Christian message of "love your neighbour", and took comfort that however bad it gets "God so loved the world that he gave his only son". Then I studied some Western philosophy, starting with Descartes' principle of doubt, and I couldn't sustain any faith in a supernatural divinity. From then on, for many years, I'd definitely have called myself an atheist.

That said, I still had some respect for Christianity, and felt that my culture was in Anglicanism. I enjoyed spending time in cathedrals and listening to choral music, and I happily go to church occasionally for family events - the most moving of these being funerals, I guess. I also thought it significant that freedom of religion was one of the first liberal rights won (say, in 1701 with the Act of Settlement versus Thomas Paine's Rights of Man in 1791).

Also, I was struck deeply by the great pathos in Doris Lessing's Shikasta, where one of the characters has a part in a divine plan but gets distracted by the political and legal ways of the world. He's still doing what he thinks is the right thing, helping those who need it, but he misses his greater purpose. It seemed tragic to have a calling, in the religious sense, but then never know that it was really there through blindness to faith.

Anyway, I got into meditation later via yoga with a teacher who also followed Zen. I felt the breath exercises could help me to concentrate, make better use of my mind, and help overcome the frustration and anger I sometimes felt. So I then started going to classes with teachers from the Theravada tradition, who were fine with my practical secular attitude. I wouldn't say the practice filled me with the joy and insight I'd been hoping for, but it seemed to help me keep a bigger perspective in view. My partner also noticed it had a positive effect on my moods too, which helped me see its importance.

I've continued meditating for many years, and I'm now following Headspace courses to help keep a regular practice going. But a few years ago I also started going to Quaker meetings for worship, partly for family reasons and partly because I felt they dovetailed well with my attitudes about the value of silence. I feel I've grown into the Quaker way more for myself now, recently becoming a more regular attender at a small meeting, and that's what I'd planned to talk about here.

However, right now, I find I can't say much. The value that I place in sitting in silence with others and (sometimes) moving through a calm state of mind toward something that others have called God or the spirit or the inner light perhaps really is ineffable - ideas that cannot be put into words. I guess this is something I'll come back to here, though.

A damaging masculine mask

I've just seen The Mask You Live In from The Representation Project, which asks people to "challenge society's limiting representations of gender". The film was about boys and men in the United States getting into social groups and habits that mean they struggle to share emotions. It argued this linked to video game addiction, objectification of women, drug and alcohol abuse, suicide and mass shootings (I hadn't realised just how these are accelerating in the US). The psychologists, sociologists, interviewees and their mentors made a lot of thought provoking comments, for example:

• US (and I guess therefore anglophone) culture links strong men with economic success, sexual prowess and excellence in competitive sports - and I can imagine the same criteria could be generally true, from ancient Greece onward.
• Gangs can form from a very early age, with preschoolers creating male-only clubs with hierarchy, rules and punishments for their infringement. This linked to fraternity house initiation culture where you don't rat on your mates even if you know what they're doing is wrong.  It also reminded me of the distinctive characteristics of US prison gangs spoken about by David Skarbek on Thinking Allowed earlier this year.
• A group of young men asked to write keywords on the outside versus the inside of a mask consistently put anger and pain as things they kept hidden. But guilt and shame, exacerbated by their superiors and bullies, were cited as key emotions underlying the chronic rates of suicide and often untreated depression.
• The film spoke of the frustration and anger of disenfranchised young men arising not from failure, loss or being genuinely wronged. Instead, it came from an aggrieved sense of entitlement, created in part by marketing and popular culture presenting a world of success, happiness and prosperity that in reality only a few achieve.
• Easier to sympathise with, though, was another point that emerged about the gap between between received expectations and internal feelings. That dissonance causes negative moods, which there's then no one to talk to about when your peers are all wearing their "act like a man" masks too.
• The conclusion urged men to be a positive influence on boys - as fathers, sports coaches or whatever - encouraging individual self-expression instead of using bullying and humiliation to raise performance.

In a panel discussion after the film, there was a telling show of hands about who didn't figuratively wear a mask in public (zero). I guess we all have to create our public ego from our cultural context, but the problem is when a masculine identity leads to harm (to others or ourselves), or when it creates injustice. 

I do wonder if gender (along with race and sexuality) is becoming more important to our egos. Previously used identifiers - like our occupation, or standing in our village, street or faith group - become less stable or important. The film made me think again about the negative effects of video games too - spending hours role-playing an assassin or soldier; they are a lot more realistic and immersive than when I played Elite and Baldur's Gate... The discussion also helped me to recognise that young people today may be more image conscious - thinking of how portraits now appear by text and Facebook messages on smartphones, for example.

I was surprised that in the discussion one of the panel from Leeds Beckett discounted biology or genes in gender role determination though. The panel also undermined an argument that sport can be cooperative and positive, by one young speaker saying that it's an acceptable release valve for aggression.

So under biological determinism, the masculine criteria above can be rephrased. Wealth demonstrates access to resources and sports demonstrates health, strength and ability to physically overcome competitors. These then support the actual biological imperative that underlies these and the sex drive: to successfully pass on your genes. 

A more scientific explanation of issues with in masculinity in the modern world was also given in the Economist on manhood earlier this year. A striking line of reasoning in there used something like game theory to explain how small demographic shifts can have a big impact on family stability. If men and women expect a man in a stable job to provide for the family, but there aren't quite enough men that fit that bill, then employed men have more opportunity to cheat, causing a domino effect that cascades through previously stable relationships.

It therefore seems naive to think that cultural pressure for boys and men to be more emotionally expressive and empathic will change fundamental characteristics of male identity. I don't believe men need to feminise themselves to resist harmful and patriarchal ultra-masculinity. This runs parallel to women's liberation and the struggle toward equality not meaning that women need to become like men, 

But there do need to be changes in this country as well as the United States, even if mass shootings are rarer here. Thinking of Kirsty Wark's Blurred Lines TV program last year, the hurtful anti-feminist backlash from a certain chunk of the population shames us all. 

Minimal enduring space habitat

I'd like to describe my ideas for an enduring space habitat with ample space for a self-sustaining community of over a thousand humanoids. It's a thin torus about 1.6km in diameter with a texture superficially similar to a rocky asteroid. The ring has a circular cross-section of about 50m diameter. Its outermost surface is a shielding crust of 5m thick spongy pumice-like material, resistant to radiation and micro-meteorites. The crust covers a structural tension ring, something like reinforced concrete; this can deform elastically to absorb large meteorite impacts without breaking. The tension ring also gives strength to the habitat as it turns, simulating standard gravity by centrifugal force. Inside, there are utilities crawl-spaces in ceilings and floors, but that still leaves at least a 36m wide by 20m high interior. This volume is partitioned by robust bulkheads into personal living spaces, stores, engineering workshops, communal areas (including garden parks, refectories, a library, a school, recreation spaces etc) and their connecting corridors. 5 larger nodes, built with even greater structural strength, bulge out at evenly spaced intervals around the ring. These provide airlocks and docking facilities.

These ideas are for a remote science fiction setting. As the habitat is indefinitely self-sufficient, it is not supported by regular traffic from a large populated planet. I imagine it to be one of several (between 5 and 100, say) orbiting a red dwarf (the 70% majority in the galaxy). There may be planets orbiting the star, but no rocky worlds with atmospheres in the narrow habitable zone (tight up against the star). The solid planets that do exist could be subject to constant robot exploration and slow terraforming. Outside the habitable zone, that means tunnelling out large sealed chambers beneath planets' frigid or toxic surfaces. These would each much larger than the habitat's interior, and would eventually be filled with life-sustaining biomes. Descendants of the habitat's population would eventually live in these pocket-worlds, but that goal is perhaps 10,000 years away.

Reliable planning and engineering at this scale is beyond the scope of human teams. The habitat's origins are traced back to when the red dwarf system was seeded by an advanced artificial intelligence. This may have arrived in a slower-than-light spacecraft, either an automated robot probe or a self-sustaining generation ship somewhat similar to the habitat. Since then, the AI would have bootstrapped it's own manufacturing capabilities from in-system resources (rocky and metallic asteroids, and icy sooty comet nuclei). Macro and nano-scale robots under the AI's supervision would have captured and processed more raw materials to spin out the habitat. The original AI would have cloned instances of itself to run on new cores built into the computing, sensor and information storage substrate distributed through each habitat's structure.

In a future where such technology exists, rogue AI on selfishly self-replicating von Neumann probes are a possibility. Such entities may try to steal resources claimed by others and cheat the bootstrapping processes by subverting others' established manufacturing capabilities. For these reasons, each AI is very cautious about remote communications. Even with message security controls, they never completely trust received remotely sensor data and instructions. Each core instance is therefore autonomous and capable of independent development. Copies of the AI only communicate sparingly with each other via ultra-high integrity channels at low bandwidth (compared to current real world standard rates). Advanced encryption, content redundancy, nested stacks of handshakes, error checks and signal recovery ingredients aim to prevent interception and spoofing by malign rivals.

As well as manufacturing the habit, the local AI operates the systems for its maintenance, repair, manoeuvring and life support. It also cooperates with its peers in the supervision of traffic between the habitats and other bodies in the red dwarf system. As the habitat is not a completely closed system, top-ups of the most basic resources are necessary. Exchange of manufactured goods is also beneficial. With completely control of the habitat systems, the ubiquitous sensors wired into its fabric and all its communications, the AI has godlike power over the habitat's population. However, as its mission is to sustain that population indefinitely, it is benevolent. It seeks to minimise harm and is concerned not to restrict the free will individuals.

So the AI mind and the habitat systems that are its body meets the basic needs of the community it hosts in reliable, robust, efficient, mess-free ways:

• Light is generated from solid-state materials (diurnally for bright public spaces and at warmer low intensity for personal use), powered by a variety clean energy sources (e.g. solar-collectors, thermoelectric heat exchangers, nuclear fusion reactors, and superconductors rotating in natural solar magnetic fields).
• Air and water are recycled and cleaned (using self-replenishing safe bioengineered microorganisms) in cycles – via sinks, caches (e.g. small lakes, cisterns and pressurised volumes) and easy to use outlets.
• Food is grown in cultures of bioengineered organisms that are easy to keep in moist and well lit conditions, without requiring soils or significant preparation (e.g. in harvesting, the cutting away of waste or cooking). These appear as gel trays, with the cultures colour-coding their maturity. The colours of ripening and decaying food – green, yellow, orange, red, brown – have cultural associations too (e.g. for youthful naivety, transition, good wholesome reassurance, risk and disgusting old waste).
• Medicinal interventions are assisted by specialist grown materials (drug cultures and bandages), as well as knowledgeable doctors and nurses; robot surgeons and digital diagnostic assistants have limited application.
• Shelter from the hostile environment of space (with weightlessness, vacuum, radiation and high-velocity impacts) is provided by the habitat shielding and manoeuvring thrusters. The internal structure separates enclosed spaces by insulative and fire-suppressant materials, mitigate the effects of hull breach and "breakaway oxidation phenomena".
• Weight, for the creation of normal human living spaces as much as its benefits to the physiology of the inhabitants, is generated by the habitat's spin (revolving around once per minute, as for a classic Stanford torus).
• Temperature control depends more on heat-sinks than adding sources; waste heat from the absorbed solar radiation, engineering systems, human bodies and other organisms would otherwise be trapped by vacuum.
• The basic raw materials to top-up the inevitably slightly inefficient recycling systems could be delivered in bulk periodically from small asteroids (for metals and other heavier elements) and comets (for water, gases and precursor organic compounds). Thousands of tonnes of material can be slowly and safely moved over hundreds of years from their sources' natural orbits by robot spacecraft. At their source, materials are gathered with minimal mining and in situ processing; the autonomous systems on these bodies don't manufacture items that the habitats may or may not need.
  

The humanoid population have genetically engineered modifications so they are better suited for space habitation. They are hairless, disease resistant and quick healing, with simpler digestive systems. Their bodies are tolerant to zero-G and radiation, preparing them for possible disasters. They have short strong limbs, very dark skin and exceedingly good cellular repair mechanisms, including cancer-resistant DNA. The population of at least a thousand can remain genetically healthy over many generations. However basic screening is maintained by the AI, without crossing over into eugenic manipulation.

The habitat would be pointless if the humanity of its inhabitants couldn't be maintained. The hierarchy of needs above the basics addressed above are therefore also met:

• A technologically advanced civilised culture is maintained by the import, management and archiving of information. This includes entertainment media and history, but more critically it covers mechanical, organic and human systems engineering knowledge. Some of the population always retain knowledge of the design patterns and simulation models that the AI uses for these. They understand how these are supported by theories from fundamental science and mathematics.
• Social activities maintain individuals' sense of belonging . These include sports and gaming; swimming (diving, racing and cooperative team games) is popular on the space habitat. Craft, study and creative acts can also be social - more on that below. There is plenty of scope for normal healthy humans' love, affection and romance, with all the associated complications.
• Personal rewards, support of the community and innovation may also be achieved through assistance to the habitat systems. To be purposeful, this work must really matter and be safety critical - it's not just about following the robots to pick up their rubbish and mistakes. Tasks include support to the habitat's structural engineering, monitoring via its sensors and operational maintenance of the life-support systems. Individuals could also assist in the supervision of the automated biological-mechanical hybrid systems with modelling and reprogramming.
• Another class of important maintenance task is the support of the human community itself. Psychology, psychotherapy, sociology, leadership and political roles all overlap in such a small society, but there would always be a few clearly recognised experts in these (and those learning from or competing against them).
• There is also something like a religious institution that supports the cohesiveness of the community. This isn't about faith in the supernatural (e.g. life after death) or a supreme being (the prime-cause, architect of human experience with a divine plan that gives our lives and the universe purpose), or petitioning the AI for divine intervention. It would be about reinforcing the ethics of the cooperative community, sharing joy at new life, coming of age and marriage, and giving the comfort of a greater enduring institution to the sick and bereaved. Its foundational aspiration may be faith that human life will eventually settle more terraformed planets and continue its expansion and creative innovation.
• Self-actualisation (or at least individual expression and personal fulfilment) could be achieved through developing the creative skills available in a small local community: creative craft works (especially clothes, accessories and furniture), folk art, songs and music, and writing (perhaps the most enduring and readily communicable to others beyond the community). Self-esteem is built by independently chosen careers, responsibilities and skills mastery. Exchange of original gifts and public awards, granted occasionally by respected committees or directly by the AI, reinforce personal achievements.
• The transcendent need to help others achieve their own potential cuts across roles in the society. There are amateur and professional teachers who assist in the interpretation of the knowledge resources and coach student as they practice skilled activities. Individuals may also dedicate themselves to the institutions for psychological health and religion.

The inhabitants of the baseline home habitat may assume those in the red dwarf system's other habitats are more or less the same as them, but they could be quite different. Each habitat remains relatively isolated, and its life and culture can grow and evolve independently, just as it does on real-world islands, or the city-states of ancient Greece with their different philosophies, politics and martial structures. Most individuals have only minimal second-hand experience of direct contact, handed down from rare personal histories of space-travel between habitats, in which individuals would have piggy-backed on the slow robot spacecraft transport network. This sense of a wider community at arms-length is maintained by the limited communications traffic. The narrow bandwidth constrains this to text (and vector-drawn graphics primarily used for engineering and science). Without pictures, direct audio and video of others’ small worlds, the commonality of human mental constructs matter more than superficial differences in appearance and cultural styles. The communications are sufficient to maintain use of a common language between habitats.

There’s more to say about the technology to support all this. Specifically, the habit requires advanced genetic engineering (of the human stock and the modified microorganisms used for the environment control that includes air, water and nutrition recycling). There’s also the systems engineering, which is about aggregating dynamically interacting elements from mechanical, electronic, chemical, structural, cybernetic and sociological disciplines. The technology must come together to enable a self-sustaining homeostatic system that efficiently uses sparse resources in the space environment that's otherwise hostile to organic life.

Review of The Day of the Triffids (1981)

I had been too young to watch this TV series when it was first out, and I was hoping the BBC would repeat it. It's been a long wait, but I wasn't disappointed now that I've finally got to see it. Clearly it's a bit dated, and this was never big budget Hollywood science fiction, but it still has a powerful frightening atmosphere, and it stays with you.

The novel was perhaps the first post-apocalyptic science fiction book I read, back when I was about 13, several years after the series was broadcast. I was gripped by it then, but this TV adaptation seemed different from my memories of the book.

First up, I was struck by how strong the Cold War themes were. There's the Soviet origin of the plants, but there's also an explicit guess that the lights and plague were accidentally deployed weapons of mass destruction. Bill paraphrased the quote about humanity walking a tightrope, too. I can't find it's origin, but I'm sure I've heard it before - that mutually assured destruction as a deterrent against war was like asking a someone to walk a tightrope for ever. They can do it for a bit, but they will eventually fall off - and that still sounds like a very good argument for subscribing to CND. I wonder if I hadn't notice this theme so strongly in the book because we were embedded in the Cold War at the time. We'd grown used to the threat and the idea that nuclear missiles with hideous overkill were targeted at major cities and military targets in the UK right in the present moment.

I also noticed that the ethical dilemmas were being played up far more than the survival and reconstruction themes I remember - emphasised by the drama dwelling on the immediate aftermath in London. It felt like the struggle between those with good intentions and nastier individuals was being made clear. It therefore reflected the intrinsic uncertainty as to whether humans are basically altruistic, charitable and cooperative or selfish and greedy, only thinking of their short term gratification of desires. There was also the unanswerable challenge of who should you help when there's so many in need and you're effort is clearly valuable but so insignificant. This seems just as valid for an individual supporting a charity in our present cruel and unjust world as for Wyndham's well constructed artificial thought experiment. The BBC drama was also surprisingly realistic in how, despite clearly being one of the well intentioned ones, Bill was often fighting his own frustration, despair and anger at the situation - perhaps again like any of us trying to follow our conscience.

I think I saw echoes of post-WWII Nazi-survivors' anxiety too, with ideas of eugenics through planned human breeding and military controlled societies popping up. I'd imagine these would be been very much in the consciousness of Wyndham as he was writing, and in the developers and audience of the TV series too. Luckily it's perhaps harder for us living in the West now to imagine living in under martial law or to think of state controlled population management as a realistic possibility. But I do wonder if we've lost a healthy suspicion of people in uniforms that this series helps to re-enforce.

I wondered if, in contrast to the major theme of nuclear-age post-apocalyptic nightmare, there's was also a minor theme of survivalist wish-fulfilment. There seemed to be a happy promise in a dream of starting over with human culture and civilisation. We would be happy and proud to think of ourselves laying down a new, simpler social order where only the best bits of our learning were carried forward into the re-population of an empty land. As well as all those who retreat into the wilderness to practice their bushcraft skills or hoard essential provisions as an insurance against civilisation's collapse, the pleasure in this dream seems part of the charm of arriving in a new Minecraft world too...

Finally, also on a lighter note, I thought this drama provides a kind of grim nostalgia for a lost Britain too. As well as all the smoking and the drab streets and pubs, there were old fashioned attitudes that seemed to slip past unremarked (but would hopefully be challenged today). I noticed especially the casual sexist gender stereotyping and a naturally assumed intellectualism or class arrogance. These may have been even stronger in Wyndam's 1951 than the progressive BBC of 1981, but perhaps it's a small sign we've been travelling in the right direction.

The Cave of Shadows, Seizing Truth

I've been listening to old podcasts of BBC Radio 4's religious debate program Beyond Belief, and I was struck by one from 9 January 2012 on mysticism (with Zoe Bran and Shaunaka Rishi Das and David Luke, experts on shamanism, Hinduism and psychology respectively).

It seems mystical insight can be defined by a set of experiences that are commonly reported together: a sense of timelessness; insight into a truer reality beyond that which we normally experience; the sense of self identity dissolving; an apprehension of the connectedness of all things; and a sense that everything's alive with a vital essence. Whilst traditionally these have been associated with religion, with the mystic believing they are coming into a divine presence, it seems more recently there's been a strong dissociation from a specific doctrine. Branches of the New Age and pagan or shamanic revival movements spring to mind, which some use as a license to read deeper insight into their experiences on psychoactive drugs (whilst others reject these as offering a way to reach genuine insights). But I'm also thinking of specific people including Eckhart Tolle and the individual interviewed on the programme. Tolle seems to avoid pinning his insights on one religion, and the interviewee categorically stated that his experience cut across religions.

I was also struck by the feature of mystical experience, which I'd associate with enlightenment too, that sounds like the classical allegory of the Cave of Shadows: reality is not as we normally perceive it; there is a 'higher' or truer nature of existence of which 'all this' is just a shadow. That view also fits with the Christian insight that's something like: now we see through a glass darkly, then we shall meet face to face.

I remain very sceptical that there's a literal deep truth in this insight. Using Occam's Razor, it's easier to explain this type of mystical experience, with its subjective force, as a trick of the mind - like a psychoactive trip. However... it seems also to point at something that's valuable, because it is so powerful to those who experience it, which is also cherished by their followers. It also does have a kind of literal truth to it in that the 'truest' description of reality is the scientific account of the properties of matter explaining what we experience. This says appearance, touch, scent etc are mostly about interactions in the uncertain world of electrons and photons. I really don't think that's what Plato, Buddha and the apostle Paul meant they'd realised though.

So for their enlightened insights, let's look to philosophy rather than the natural sciences. Thinking specifically of Descartes and Hume asking what they really knew to be true - just that there's an intangible empty point of consciousness that is me, which is the focal point of all these perceptions, memories, rational thoughts, emotions and dreams. Those cognitive artefacts are changeable, and unreliable. Yet they are the only access we have to the reality that's 'out there' (as that which is not 'me'). Still, we are justifiably confident in our naive internal models of reality. They allow us to interact and get by in the world and with others. We are also able to challenge, test and build on all those internally generated concepts to construct less naive models, which can then do more explanatory 'lifting' - enabling increasingly sophisticated technological advances and psychologically insightful artistic or social expressions.

So perhaps for those mystics and enlightened few, their subjective experience is another way to break out of the naive survival mode of thought and gain a more valuable 'direct access', which brings a new understanding of the relation between the self and the world, and the living connectedness of all things. The way such insight shakes the roots of sanity maybe a necessary price to pay. But it still seems to me something worth leaving oneself open to at least...

Journaling Changes

This is a new start for journaling, in a New Year, and the first topic I was thinking writing about is religious faith. I think my personal attitude about it may be changing, from that of strict 'fundamentalist' atheism to something very recognisable by the Quakers and Western Buddhists who I've spent time with, and I want to reflect on that.

I was thinking this morning of the Creed - I don't believe in a creator god at all, I don't believe Christ was a unique embodiment of an eternal divinity, nor that it is his death that promises redemption for all his followers. I don't believe in the virgin birth, the miracles or the resurrection. However... I do feel a cultural familiarity with Christianity and the gospel. I feel that to denounce my Christian upbringing (as an unquestioning child then an earnest teenager) would be to renounce a family member, to betray something others (especially a grandmother and an influential kind teacher and vicar's wife) trusted me with.

Now, Quakers may be just the place for people with that 'sitting on the fence' attitude, who want to hedge their bets. However, there's much more to Quakerism, I believe, than just saying "well, that patriarchal Hebrew and Popish stuff is a bit too hard for us to swallow whole, but there's some nice stories about lions and lambs which might have something in them." I doubt many see Quaker meetings as an undemanding, non-hypocritical way to play Pascal's gamble: "if I at least pray a bit to a vaguely defined god and it does all turn out to be literal truth, I'll save myself from an eternity of suffering." No, I think Quakerism is something much more affirmative, positive and valuable: we all have direct, personal access to a common divine 'thing' that's real. That 'light' gives us comfort, helping us to endure the hardships and to savour and cherish the everyday. It also gives us a moral compass and motivation, so we can see and are impelled to do that which makes the world a bit better - reducing violence, greed and inequality.

Quakers, and I think others of a similar spiritual outlook from all faiths, would stress that the divine is something naturally within everyone. That's aligns with my understanding of the Buddhist and Zen idea that we all have the capability of enlightenment within ourselves. Once you accept that, you treat others, even your 'enemies', with a respect that leads to tolerance, generosity and a preparedness to work through differences. Quakers and Buddhists would also both look to gathered silence or the calming of meditation as the way to access and recognise that light within.

So I'd recognise what people mean by the inner Buddha self, and perhaps that constant current compassionate presence of Christ, as being a way of describing or expressing that calm, reassuring, world-connected sense of something that worth cultivating within our hearts.

That does lead me to wonder whether relativism has to hold here, even if it's directly incompatible with science. I wonder if there's also necessarily an inner demon or Satan that we may have to deal with too. Also, I'd ask what it means for the doctrines of loss of self in Buddhism, translated I think into the defeat of the ego by New Age Western Buddhists or mystics like Alan Watts and possibly Eckhart Tolle.